What a day.
This morning we had the opportunity to meet with Vlad (Executive Director) and Serghei (Deputy Director) to discuss our thoughts about BoL. We shared our thoughts on the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats for their organization. One thing I greatly admire about BoL is their leadership model of discipleship. They highly value empowering new and young leaders with opportunities to develop their potential in changing the culture and future within Moldova. They value choosing leaders who are capable rather than those who have the “perfect” skill set.
At one point during the meeting, I began to feel very overwhelmed and began wondering, “what am I even doing here and what is my place on this team?” I kept thinking about how I don’t have a graduate degree, I’m not a social worker, I don’t have advanced experience like many members of our team, etc. At one point I wanted to ask a question regarding their program, Way to Success, but felt it wasn’t that important. I felt that my voice and position didn’t matter. I was overcome with so many emotions to a point that I wanted to get up and leave so I could cry. And at one point, I had to leave the room to pull myself together. When I came back, Vlad was sharing his vision for BoL to our group. What he said truly struck me: “We want to be a prophetic voice to officials and raise our voices for those whom we want to protect from social injustice.” The word that really struck me was “voice.”
The past couple of months have been a journey for me in discovering my voice and confidence again. I recently moved to DC to work with NCC in their Protégé Program. It has been one of the best and hardest decisions I have ever made. Since being in DC, I have had to confront the reality of my insecurity – and out of my insecurity I have let my voice go silent. I have let others dictate who I am instead of being confident in my identity in Christ. I let my fear of failure and rejection get in the way of simply being myself.
And today, as I was boldly confronted with my internal mess, Vlad’s passion to be a voice for the voiceless struck something in me.
I didn’t fully come to terms with that until later in the afternoon when we visited this incredible cave monastery, Orheiul Vechi. I was left in awe of the beauty of our amazing Creator. As I stood by the cliffs, (which I am terrified of, mind you), I was reminded that the God who created this beautiful countryside is the same God who also gave me a voice – the same God who desires for me to be confident and simply be myself. He is the same God who created in me unique talents and skills, different from everyone else. He is the same God who placed a passion within me for the Moldovan people 4 years ago. He is the same God who has placed a passion within me to be a voice for the voiceless.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed to the point of paralysis when one finds out about the issue of human trafficking. Few people know exactly what to do right away–but that’s okay. I’ve been looking at this issue for the past 5 years and, at the end of the day, I don’t always know what to do but I do know I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And though I have a long way to go, I know that I was created with purpose and am not alone.